Say Cheese!
by Erin Cade
Summary: What happens when Soda turns Johnny into a piece of cheese? Will the gang be able to make him human again?


**Say Cheese!**

It was early afternoon, and a pretty nice day at that.

Soda and Johnny were the only ones home.

"Man, I'm hungry." Johnny said, rubbing his stomach. The hunger pangs were getting to him.

"Me too, but there's nothin' here." Soda replied, trying to ignore the rumbling sensation in his stomach.

Johnny got up to check the fridge. No, there was no chocolate cake. Damn.

"Hey, what's this?" Johnny pulled out half a block of.. cheese!

"Man, Soda, why didn't you _tell_ me you had cheese?" Johnny asked, sitting down. He took a huge bite of the cheese.

"Because.. you didn't ask? Anyway, I hate cheese." Soda turned away from the yellow monster.. which of course was the cheese.

"I _love_ cheese." Johnny said through his third mouthful of cheese.

"Maybe I'll go check the cupboards for somethin'." Soda stood up. He turned to Johnny in the doorway, smiling.

"Man, if you eat too much of that stuff, you'll turn into a piece of cheese yourself."

Soda looked through the cupboards, and didn't find anything except for a tin of old corn, and a disgusting looking green thing.

Soda sighed, defeated, and went back into the living room to talk to Johnny. But he wasn't there.

"What the?" Soda asked, standing up. He sat back down again.

"Probably went to the bathroom or something." He said to himself.

Five, ten then fifteen minutes past, and there was still no sign of Johnny.

"Johnny doesn't take _this_ long in the bathroom!" Soda got up and ran to the bathroom, and paused outside the door.

"Unless he's doing a really big crap."

Soda held his nose, and opened the door. No one was there.

Soda went back into the living room, thinking Johnny probably went to the Dingo or something.

But Johnny never walked anywhere alone. Not after he got jumped a couple of months back.

Suddenly Soda was ill with worry. He was about to go out and look for him when a passed.. a piece of cheese.

"That's strange.. it's where Johnny was before." Soda said, staring at the small, yellow dairy product.

It doesn't exactly take a genius to know what happens next..

Soda gasped. "Oh my god - Johnny turned into a piece of cheese!"

Soda held the small piece of cheese close to him.

"What have I done? Oh crappity crap crap, what have I done?"

Soda tried to remember his exact words to Johnny.

_Man, if you eat too much of that stuff, you'll turn into a piece of cheese yourself._

Soda smacked himself on the head.

"Why the hell did I have to say that for?"

Soda lightly stroked the piece of cheese. "Johnny, I'm sorry man, I'm so so sorry."

Soda felt like a cigarette, but there were none in the house. Just then Steve walked in.

"Steve, Steve!" Soda exclaimed, and he ran to Steve.

"What? What?" Steve grinned, getting in on the 'joke'.

"Steve, you'll never believe what happened!" Soda's eyes grew wide.

"Try me." Steve raised an eye brow.

"Well, Johnny and me were here, then we were hungry, then Johnny went to the kitchen and then.. oh, screw it. Steve, I turned Johnny into a piece of _cheese_!"

Soda held the small piece of cheese out to Steve.

Steve turned away. "Aww, Soda, why'd you have to turn him into _cheese_? I hate cheese."

Soda pulled the cheese away. "But Steve, you don't understand! We have to find a way to get him back!"

Soda and Steve sat down.

"We need to think of a way to get Johnny back." Steve said, and the two sat there, thinking like idiots.

Meanwhile, Darry joined the scene.

"Hey guys. What're you doing?" Darry asked, the the two other boys looked up.

"Darry, something terrible's happened!"

Darry instantly became worried. "What is it?"

Soda got up. "I turned Johnny into a piece of _cheese_!"

Darry burst out laughing.

Steve stood up, too. "Darry, he's serious!"

Darry wiped away his tears of laughter. "Oh, please. If I told you I turned Two-Bit into a piece of cheese, would you believe me?"

"He'd probably be a cucumber." Steve shrugged.

"But Darry, you _have_ to believe me!" And Soda let rip the whole tale about how he turned Johnny into a piece of cheese.

Darry was still chuckling when he gasped.

"I saw on tv that this one guy turned this other guy into a lion.. I suppose a disgusting food item would work. How're we gonna turn him back?"

Soda shrugged, and his friends Two-Bit and Dally walked in.

"Guys, guys, I have to tell you something!" Soda yelped, holding up 'Johnny' - or the cheese.

"Oh, yum! Cheese!" Two-Bit grinned as he took the small cheese from Soda and ate it..

"Two-Bit, no!" Soda yelled, the Dally looked at him as if he was crazy.

So once again, Soda let loose the joyful tale of how he, Sodapop Curtis, had turned Johnny Cade into a piece of cheese.

"No!" Two-Bit howled, and together they mourned the loss of Johnny.

"Why, why? Why do I have to like cheese so much?" Two-Bit asked, desperately trying to wipe his tears.

"Why did I have to turn him into cheese?" Soda howled, and Darry held him.

Little did they know, or see, Johnny and Pony walking through the door.

"Guys? Guys?" Johnny called over their ridiculous crying.

Darry turned to Johnny. "Not now, Johnny. We're trying to mourn the fact that Two-Bit ate you."

The gang all did a double take.

"_Johnny?" _Soda gaped, his mouth literally hanging to the ground.

Johnny grinned meekly, holding up a fresh block of cheese. "I got the cheese.."

**-end-**


End file.
